i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
