I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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