he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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