Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
