Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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