The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
