We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
