She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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