Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
