I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
