Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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