Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
