you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
