Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
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At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
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You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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