hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
