I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
