Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
