I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
