It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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