I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
