when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
