Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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