i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
FUCK WHALES
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
