I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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