just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
