For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
