the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
