how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
