you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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