You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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