they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize