I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
