How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
