We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
