the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she pinky promised me she was 18
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
