i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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