i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
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