They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
