I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
