I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize