My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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