you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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