I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
