A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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