EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.