im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.