Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.