why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.