What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
