Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them