Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.