you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We are all done wearing pants today
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
