end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.