i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
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It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
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Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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