Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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