So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she told me i tasted like america
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
