ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
