sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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