Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
