is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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