there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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