i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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