I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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