so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
