It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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