I like my sex mixed with concussions.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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