So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
