so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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