so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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