first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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