Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Also, beer. Big fan.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
