if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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