I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
