...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
