I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
