He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
