Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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