Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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