Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
