At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
