Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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