Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
