She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
