I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
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