that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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