We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
