I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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