On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
