Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
