Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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